While we often resolve to do something more, better, different at the beginning of a year, we rarely take the time to consider the conflicts that these resolutions create, and how we’ll deal with them.
Eating healthier, being more active, and saving more money continue to top the personal commitment list. At work, reaching team goals, being less stressed and having greater engagement might top your to-dos. A common statistic is that about 8% of people maintain and are successful in their resolutions. So what gets in the way? Conflict!
Do you recognize any of the following goals and conflicts?
Personal Goals and Conflicts
Goal: Eat healthier
Conflicts: healthy food wasn’t bought/prepped, late for work, the whole team was going out for lunch/dinner, I loooove chocolate, I can get a Big Mac meal for less than a bunch of organic kale, etc.
Goal: Become more active
Conflicts: gym’s too busy, too damn cold outside, I don’t like sweating, don’t have the right equipment, too tired, my ass looks fat/skinny in these jeans, etc.
Goal: Save more money
Conflicts: investing is too confusing, prices keep going up, “too good to pass up” sales are calling my name, cheaper by the dozen, I need my Starbucks, I’ll save more when I start making more, etc.
Work Goals and Conflicts
Goal: Reach team goals for this quarter
Conflicts: The goals are set by people who don’t understand my situation, some people don’t pull their weight, low engagement, poor communication, don’t have the right/enough people, it’s a slow market right now, etc.
Conflicts: Not enough time or resources to get it all done, too much to do, competing priorities, misalignment, unclear deadlines/requirements, the dishes/kids/spouse/cooking, all this darn snow, etc.
Goal: Be more productive
Conflicts: See “Be less stressed” :)
So let’s talk about making meaningful commitments, with a contingency plan for when the normal mental chatter (aka conflict) tries to throw you off course.
Here are 3 steps to rock your goals in 2018 and beyond:
#1. Know your "why"!
Your “why” is the purpose, cause or belief that inspires you. Your “why” is the personal value you will be honouring when you achieve your goal. The weight and money goals are the “what” and can be justified out of existence. If you lost/gained 20 lbs or saved 10% more, if your team met their targets and your days were less stressful, why is that important to you? These values are at your core, and, whether you recognize them or not, are the driving force behind all your conflicts AND achievements!
#2. Identify and conquer mental conflict conversations.
We tend to think of conflict as some stressful conversation or drama with other people. Most conflict lives in your head! “What should I do first/next?” “Should I have that conversation with him/her?” “How?”
Know that the inadequacy/fear/doubt/worry conversations are going to happen. Preempt them. Plan how to get back to feeling well and motivated. You do this by linking back to your why! When the effort of dropping 2 pant sizes, buying some bitcoins or having that performance conversation seems more painful than staying the same, remember your values…you still need to honour those to feel your best each day!
#3. Plan it. Try it. Adjust it.
Don’t assume that your first (overzealous) plan is going to work. That’s just setting yourself up for failure, guilt and shame. Remember the SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, time-oriented) goals. Start small and build on your successes (while learning from your ‘failures’). What/who might you need to help you plan, execute and rethink your goal? This resource doesn’t need to cost you (more than a coffee or lunch ;-). #thinkoutsidethebox
Need help setting goals and resolving the conflicts they create? Get it all down here: Download our simple worksheet, complete with a real-life coaching example from one of our Executive clients.
Never thought that conflict resolution strategies were necessary for accomplishing your goals?
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